you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
