His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
