i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
