I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
