he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
