Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
