I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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