Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
