I wanna bring you to show and tell
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
