I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
