I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So. Much. Porn.
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