he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
