There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
