Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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