SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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