You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
