Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
