Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
