the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
