Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
