so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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