Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
