I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
