I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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