Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
