your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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