Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
