DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
