We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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