we're blogging at a bar
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
