I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
