god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
