I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
