Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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