I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
