is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
