hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
