I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
