Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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