I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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