the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
