Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My hand turned me down
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
