You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
