i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
