Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
50% drunk capacity currently
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
