i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
