my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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