I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
