My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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