I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
