Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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