In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
